I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
