anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
