Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My bed smells like the plague
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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