just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
