i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
