Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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