I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
