i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is wine microwaveable?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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