She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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