If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
