Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
