you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
