Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
