The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
