Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
