I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
