He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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