Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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