Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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