Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
