I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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