im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
