genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
