That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
