i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it penis luge time yet?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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