woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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