last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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