At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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