i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
