She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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