eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
