there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
