Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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