He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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