my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
