matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
