I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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