So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
