she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
