shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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