first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
