Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
