So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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