Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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