no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
