Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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