Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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