my mouth tastes like poor choices
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
