I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
