We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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