ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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