Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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